Living in the short term.

Everybody's on a timeline, but most peoples timeline just sort of fades off into the distance. I've been given an approximate stopping point to my timeline. Approximate is the key word though. My treatment schedule of CT scan, PET scan, then radiation treatment has taken about 6 months each cycle. I'm at the end of the third cycle. At the beginning of each cycle I would set my sites 6 months ahead and try and prepare myself for that to be the end. Normal day to day life becomes weird when living like that. Long term goals get shot out of the fucking window. Things like renewing subscriptions to online games, or replacing a dying computer, or buying a new pair of fucking shoes seem like a waste of money. I seriously hope I die before GTA 6 comes out. There's no way the PC I'm using now would run it, I can't even run Win11. The only reason it's hung around this long is cuz I loaded it with RAM when I build it, went way overboard, for the time period. If GTA 6 comes out and I'm still upright, it's gonna blow. I have the money to build a new gaming PC, but like I said, it would be a waste of cash. Everyone else in my house uses MACs, fucking weirdos. PC Master Race. So there's really no one here to leave a PC built for gaming. I would rather save the money so it goes to the person I'm leaving my shit to. They need the cash, not a fucking PC.

I know that's a dumb example of what I was trying to get across. There are benefits to knowing the timelines approximate end though. Some I've mentioned; not having to worry about politics, not having to worry about the environment, no having to worry about having my cat die. I don't deal well when a pet of mine (cats only) dies. The last cat I had made it 17 years and it fucking killed me when she got sick. Sitting in an Emergency Animal Hospital crying sucks. I decided I wouldn't get another cat. But my mom has a cat. A cat I really like. The smartest cat I've ever had. One morning at like 4am I was sitting watching TV, I had to be at radiation at 8am. So I told fat cat, "I gotta be up a 7:30, wake me up." Now, I know it's only coincidence and that he was probably wanting me to get him some food, but that fucking cat sat there and meowed at me until I woke up. At 7:30. He's never woken me up like that since. It's weird, but coincidence. He's a very good cat though. When I was sick from chemo or radiation or having teeth extracted, or what ever, the cat sleeps next to me and purrs. He's my moms cat, totally. He sleeps with her every night, and basically during the day he is in whatever room she is in. The only times he's ever slept with me is when I've been sick or injured. Trippy, huh? So now you know about my cat. My writing is pretty much stream of consciousness, so I can tangent off really easily. If you've read anything else on this site, you might have noticed this about me. But if you don't feel like your life was made just a little bit better by reading about my cat, then fuck you. I kid, besides, you probably quit reading ten minutes ago and now I'm just shouting into the void, via keyboard. I might have mentioned this already, but I saw part of Titanic the other day, I was thinking if I were on the ship, I would probably just in my stateroom, get drunk, and wait for the water. I totally know that feeling, sitting waiting for something that is going to end you life. No where to run to. It's going to happen. I'm just listening for the water coming down the hallway. Right now I can handle it, not sure how I'm going to handle when the water comes under the door though. That shit scares me and I don't like to think about it, because when I do I get terrified. I don't want to go out like that dude an the beginning of Skyrim. Running away, just to get shot by an arrow, and looking like a pussy. Hopefully I'll go out semi-pissed off.

Gimme Gimme Gimme

Keith Morris' version of Gimme Gimme Gimme is vastly superior to Rollins version. Rollins sings with anger, Morris sings with angst. If you disagree, well, you're just wrong, nothing to be done about it.